Within the tradition, there is always a lot of talking, sharing and I am going to tell you about love and bonding in times of need.  About making love grow strong.

There is nothing like a birth or death in a family to evoke huge emotion.  I am going to share how by loving one another, we can grow strong.  The one thing that makes the world go round is love.  Without love in the world, we would be completely lost.

I am going to share a simple tradition of our family one of sharing and gently celebrating new beginnings of life, special occasions and also a tradition of celebrating endings of life.  I am going to tell you about an old white linen sheet, hole in the end, embroidered by hand, over 100 years old.  When washed this sheet smells of nature.  Rainwater, dried by the long fingers of the sun, as if the breeze has permeated itself into the very being of the sheet.  A fragrance natural and pure.  Think of sunlight soap.

And when I bury my head in this sheet, it evokes memories – stories that have been passed down from generation to generation.  It evokes a gorgeous special tradition of sharing, caring, and celebrating.  It evokes memories which float in and then there are memories of tears, bittersweet tears of joy and sadness signifying beginnings and endings.

This is my story of the old antique sheet.

Every time I returned home with a new baby, I rushed into my bedroom and sure enough, my mother had not let me down.  There on the bed was this special sheet.  It was slightly rough to the skin as only 100% linen is.  I always loved this sheet against my skin.

I had that sheet on my bed four times and to me it signified new beginnings, a celebration of a life just beginning, a journey where in many ways I was a spectator once the life had arrived.  The last time the sheet was on my bed, I had three other children who sat with me, gazing in wonder at the new life that would enrich our lives.

We talked and shared and my children learnt about loving and bonding.  They were always very proud of the new life that had been presented to us.  As a family with my husband and mother, we shared and talked and drank cups of tea.  We felt blessed.  We were creating a tradition.

Years went by, my mother came to live with us, my children grew up and my mother who had shared many gifts of loving and sharing with us for seventeen years was getting weaker.  Mum was coming to the end of her journey.  My children loved her as a mother and early in my life I had learnt to share her with many.  It was my privilege.  She taught us about making love grow strong.

I said to my children, it was a time to celebrate her life and remember.  It was time to get out the old sheet.  We unfolded it and lovingly wrapped it around her delicate frame.  My children and I sadly watched my mother as she grew weaker and weaker.  Her journey ended gently and we felt blessed to have had her in our life.  The old sheet was taken off her bed and I washed it and put it away in the linen cupboard.

Five years went past.  My husband was extremely ill.  He had been a brave soldier.  With the tradition of loving and bonding, my children and I nursed my husband to the end of his journey.  It was our privilege and yes, the old sheet was on his bed.  I stroked the sheet and remembered.

My eldest daughter married twelve months ago and when she returned home, yes, the old sheet was on her bed.  She felt blessed.  My baby daughter was married in February and her husband has returned to London.  She will take the old sheet with her and she will feel blessed.

This month my eldest daughter celebrated her first wedding anniversary and this week I am getting the old sheet ready to celebrate a new life, waiting to start its journey, a life still not here.  Their baby, my grandchild and my children’s niece or nephew.  And with family around, stories will be shared, a new tradition, a new beginning of a life to be celebrated.

A few weeks have passed since I wrote these words and I am delighted to tell you that my little granddaughter Eloise Violetta arrived safely and yes, when my daughter, her husband and daughter arrived home from the hospital, the white starched sheet was on their bed.  With gratitude we all quietly remembered.  It was our tradition.

In life take time to create a tradition, your tradition, it doesn’t have to be a big thing, but something that your family can be proud of, something that your family can pass down to their children, something special, simple like a family picnic or a favorite holiday spot, something that will make your children proud to be a member of your family.  What does tradition mean.

It can mean memories, feelings, excitement, welling up of emotions, reasoning of the moment, time to reflect, time to wait and listen to our elders, as they show us their ways, the ways that we will take on board, movement in a family, the handing over of the reigns, a new generation learning, listening, taking on boards their responsibilities for the future, pride, smiling, laughter, tears, all part and parcel of making a tradition, reenacting history of long ago to bring history into the present day.

The other day, the old sheet was out again.  My daughter lost her baby but it did not make the baby less important.  It was a life that did not make it.  When she came home from the hospital, there was a red balloon to greet my daughter and her husband and yes, on the bed there was the old sheet.  It was once again a time of sharing and loving in sad times and recognising the importance of supporting each other.

Our old sheet is now back in the linen cupboard, waiting for a new event when it will take part in another tradition, the simple tradition of our family sharing and bonding and making love grow strong.

By Janet Hadfield    25th February 2009      New Zealand

Blended families today vary widely but what is most common between them is difficulty blending. To be an effective step parent involves a lot of hard work, time, prayer and to be frank, disappointments. The following are a few good tips for starting off down the right path:

1. Just because you are now married does not mean your new spouse should be given automatic rights to discipline your children. Most often, this is the start of family turmoil. The children should only be disciplined by their biological parent. The non-biological parent should serve as support to their spouse. Private conversations between the husband and wife regarding house rules and discipline should occur and agreed upon very early on. They should be shared and followed through with all of the children so they know what to expect, which diminishes feelings of resentment.

2. Spend time with your own children separately. This is especially important in the beginning. It will bring much needed comfort and security to your children. They need to know that they are still a priority in your life. It is very important that separate time with your children is carefully balanced so they don’t become confused about the union of their new family. As for family time, be sure to regularly plan outings and family time together, which fosters the blending process. Make sure these times are used for enjoying one another and bonding, instead of reprimanding for last weeks misbehavior.

3. Do not compete with the parental role of the same sex biological parent. The child needs to know that their step-parent is an addition to their life, not a replacement of their same sex biological parent. Encourage their love and loyalty to the absent biological parent.

4. Lower your expectations. Even after many years, in contrast to nuclear families, most blended families lack family cohesiveness.                       By Emma Cook

Many people have come to a part of their life when they are exploring their identity and ask themselves this question “Who Am I” or “What is my purpose in life”.  Ask yourself this question “Who Am I” and how is your understanding of who you are?  Maybe there is not an immediate problem for you to look at yourself, explore your identity and your life.  Usually people who have personal issues with their life in loosing a job, divorced, separation, financial problems, alcohol problems, or death will delve into themselves and break free in what is keeping them from growing within themselves. 

What do you believe to be true about yourself? As a child we grow up to be told by our parents, teachers, family, church about ourselves in what we possess, what  knowledge base we have or lack, what skills and talents we have or do not have, our values, our worth, and we believe wholeheartedly in what we have been taught.  Of course we believe because they are here for the purpose of nurturing, loving, teaching, and taking care of us. 

Let me tell you a little story that affected me most of my life as a child, teen, and young adult.  I was attending a Catholic School with my sisters and brother, and had difficulty in third grade.  My parents, as many other parents, took the teachers views and beliefs in and never questioned them or their motives.  I was kept back in third grade and the nuns told my parents that I was a slow learner, and my parents believed them.  My parents in turn told me I was a slow learner, which I believed all through my life that I was a slow learner and this belief became my truth.  I finished high school, never pursuing college and started a family at a young age.  In my late 20’s I pursued Junior College, then onto the Universities.  I was then raising four children, a housewife, working full-time, and continuing night courses.  I was determined to become educated, get the best of grades, and go onto obtaining a bachelors degree in Psychology. 

It was not until my 30’s that I started working on myself and asked that question “Who Am I”.  Who was I performing all this for, what is my purpose, what am I trying to prove to others.  My main drive was to prove to my parents, teachers, and society that I am not a slow learner.  I had to look at how I was driving myself into the ground to prove to others that this old belief was not the truth but a lie.  Before I could stop this cycle of having to prove to others, into being accepted as an intelligent person and not a slow learner, I had to first believe it.  I was the driving force of all this, if I wholeheartedly did not believe I was a slow learner, then why was I so determined and working so hard to prove it to be wrong. 

It was not until then that I knew what had to be done to change my low self image and my self belief.   I had to go back and heal that hurt child that believed the Old Belief to be the truth.  In order to turn it around you must see the opposite of truth which is a lie, and make it into a new belief and a new truth of yours.   This old belief and old lie, that I held so close to my being, was other’s and not mine.  In order to change that part of me. the Old Belief needed to die and give life to my  New Belief and New Truth.  This reprogramming is like a computers memory banks, you must delete the old to bring in the new and upload.  This is what happens to our own memory banks, we must explore, research, identify, delete, restore, and take inventory periodically.  My New Belief System and New Truth System lives on as I continue my venture in “Who Am I”.

I leave you with these questions;  What would you like to do and accomplish?  What good would you like to attract into your life?  What particular areas of growth would you like to attract into your life?  What blocks or character defects would you like to change?  What would you like to happen in friendships and loves?  Give it your all - I will help you along!

Mother Daughter Bond

Even before the birth of a daughter a mother is creating something special – a mother and daughter relationship.   There is a transformation taking place between the mother and the child throughout her nine months of pregnancy.   The maternal bonding starts to develop during the nine months of pregnancy and forming a special bond with her unborn child.  The bonding chemistry is like no other bond or relationship a woman has ever experienced, it is a miracle of life she has brought forth in this world, and one she will always be connected with.  A mother is not thinking how she can have a mother and daughter relationship, it happens instinctively.  The mother produces a bonding chemistry known as oxytocin which is produced during lactation.  The oxytocin chemical produced by the mother reduces anxiety with mom and child.  A mother’s subconscious behavior to nurture her child is natural, and what emotions she has are stronger than words can express.  After the birth of the child the special bond continues and develops emotionally and physically.  The bonding chemistry is forming through all the senses of smell, touch, verbal and non-verbal cues, and taste.  These precious moments are internalized by both mother and daughter, therefor the mother and daughter relationships forms.   

A mother and daughter relationship is different than a mother and son relationship in that her purpose is to guide her daughter into becoming a woman.  Daughter’s need a mother’s guidance and support in friendships, how to choose friends, and how to be a friend.  In teaching her daughter in becoming a woman she passes on the joys of having a family and about love.  If any of these components are missing from a healthy mother and daughter relationship then it becomes a dysfunctional mother and daughter relationship.  

When you are young you idolize your mother, she is a goddess.  You have dress up days where you are trying on her lipstick, jewelry, and heels.  As you grow, your thoughts are to be just like mommy a wife, mother, or follow her working career.  A daughter follows her mother’s cues, if she bakes – daughter wants to bake, if she is on the computer or on the phone – she mimics mom’s behavior.  A daughter is forming her own interpretations of her mom in how she see’s her mom on a day by day basis.   

Then it all comes to an eruption at age thirteen, when mom becomes the most ignorant and out of touch with the world.  The daughter can’t get away fast enough from her mother, and the distancing begins.  The hormones change, and the daughter who idolized her mom is embarrassed of mom’s dress, car, and mom’s whole presence.  The young teen is wanting her space, wanting to become her own person.  As she begins to grow up she will display displeasure in anything said or done by her mother and father.  Most daughters turn against their mother’s and retaliate if any rules are put upon them.  This behavior creates friction in the mother and daughter relationship for the duration of her teens and usually changes in her twenties.  

It is very common for mother’s to misunderstand their daughters behavior.  Mother’s may take it personal and not take into consideration of the biological changes that her daughter is going through.   During the daughters rebellious stage things can be said, by the parents, out of pure frustrations.  Because of the lack of awareness the parents criticism can affect the child’s self-worth. The parents will need to take the stance in their approach in narrowing the distance between mother and daughter.  When there is not an understanding between both parties the disagreements, perspectives, and beliefs will carry into adulthood and continue their animosity for each other. However, some relationships miraculously change when the daughter is in her twenties and thirties, and another phase of mother and daughter relationship takes place.  

If a woman does not heal her relationship with her mother she then will carry on the destruction in her own mother and daughter relationship.  It is never too late to make amends, forgive, or just let go of the past to heal your relationship with your mother.

Two months ago I listened to a women, Geneen Roth, on Oprah Winfreys show who addressed women’s compulsiveness with food.  She states we are obsessed with food – in eating too much to not eating enough.  I watched the program then ran out the next day and bought her book “Women Food and God” (talk about compulsive behavior).  It has been over two months now and I have just opened the book.  Geneen Roth’s book supports the idea of not dieting ever again.  Throw out our ideas about diet along with our diet books, diet recipes, and all that diet brainwashing.

My whole life has been surrounded with a diet lifestyle and all of the latest diet fads for the year.   I have tried every means in the world to loose weight.  In the 60’s and 70’s it was easy to find a doctor to write you prescription’s for weight loss.  I just recently found out that people are still getting shots from pregnant women’s urine.  I tried this diet fad in the 70’s, the hormone shot from pregnant women’s urine – how desperate is that.  The fasting diet I tried for 21 days straight, some people fast way into three to six months.  The lemonade fast is another which people push off as a cleansing drink of maple syrup, cayenne pepper and lemons - this is a cleansing but is used purposely for loosing weight. A doctor put me on a prune diet, it consisted of eating 6 prunes along with water for two meals, and eating only one meal a day.  Throughout the years I have tried the traditional weight loss programs as Weight Watchers, Jeannie Craig, Nutrisystem, Herbal Life, Atkins, The Zone Diet, LA Weight Loss, Mediterranean Diet, Overeaters Anonymous, and many more.  Of course you can’t pass up the advertisements declaring weight loss through their carbohydrates/fat blockers, hoodia pills, protein powders, cookies, oatmeal muffins, slim drinks, and other supplements.  I have food plans from various programs calculating calorie intake, carbohydrates, fats, sodium and sugar intake.  For all the plans, documentation and calculations I had to maintain, you would have thought I was a bookkeeper.  Don’t forget the cabbage soup diet, grapefruit diet, and hospital diets claiming weight loss of 7 to 20 pounds within days.  My eating plans changed from total vegetarian meals  to eating nothing but meat  from the book – Eating Right for your Blood Type. 

For forty years my eating and dieting lifestyle has been manic.  What is the message I have been telling myself and relaying to others with this caotic lifestyle.  It is not only myself that has experienced this merry-go-round, it is my four children who I took for the ride.  They will interpret their own experience and may or may not be affected.  How different is food and diet from any other addiction of alcohol, drugs, and gambling.  In my view, there is no difference with my addiction of food and dieting than a person struggling to stay clean from drugs or alcohol.  I have not lost my family, job, and friends but I could have easily lost my life. 

I am a diabetic and have other health issues due to my living a unhealthy lifestyle.  I can honestly say it is just currently that I am living a healthier lifestyle with exercise and eating.  What is different today, like no other day, is that today and day by day I will live a Diet No More lifestyle.  To all my family, friends and website followers I will blog my views, feelings, and experiences throughout each chapter of Geneen Roth’s book “Women Food and God”.  I hope to hear from you with your own experiences and views on the subject of compulsive eating and dieting.  Those who wish to jump on the band wagon, come on board – lets conquer this together with Dieting No More!

On April 30th ABC co-anchor Elizabeth Vargas interviewed four women struggling with alcohol in a one hour report “Mother’s Little Helper”.

Remember the song “Mother’s Little Helper” written in 1966 by Mick Jagger and Keith Richard from the Rolling Stones?  The message is about drugs, and the lyrics went like this:    I hear every mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down
She goes running for the shelter for her mother’s little helper.  And it helps her on her way to get her through her busy day.  You can tranquilise your mind.  And to help you through the night to minimize your plight

The four women interviewed by Elizabeth Vargas made statements similar to the lyrics of “Mother’s Little Helper”.  The only difference is that the song is referring to drugs and not alcohol which each women used to tranquilise their minds to minimize their plight.

The four women came from various parts of the United States;  Stephanie a mother of three from California, Mary who is celebrating 20 years of recovery, Tina a mother of two, and Lynn a fifty year old mother from Mississippi.  Each woman has her story and disclosed her everyday rituals from park social hours after school to drinking at 9:30 in the morning.  They hid their bottles of alcohol, pouring it into coffee mugs while driving their children to school, play dates, parks, and other activities under the influence of alcohol.

Tina is a mother of two children from Washington, D.C. who transitioned from a political career to a stay at home mom.  She did not realize how much self-esteem and self-worth came from her job.  Tina has difficulty in admitting she put her daughter in danger when she was under the influence of alcohol while driving.  It was not until friends of Tina addressed her alcoholism that she received help.

Tina’s friends said it became apparent that Tina needed help.  Tina would show up to functions inebriated, and her behavior and mannerism changed.  Tina’s friends organized an intervention telling her of their own experiences with Tina’s alcohol consumption.  At the end of intervention friends sent her off, with her packed bags, to a detox and rehabilitation program in Florida.  

Mary who is celebrating her 20 years of sobriety and was a teacher at Harvard when her life spiraled into alcoholism.  She remembers one Christmas morning she was to bake pies with the family and she choose to take a drive and consume a six pack of beer alone.  Mary wrote a book “Lit” describing her bout with alcoholism and how she hid her alcoholism so well for so long from her husband, family and friends.  

Mary states to Elizabeth Vargas that, “I didn’t look like somebody sleeping under a bridge.  But I had this black hole in the center of me that I was pouring alcohol into.  There are a lot of women who think, ‘My drinking is just not that bad.’  Feeling like every day is a nightmare that you have to trudge through is a consequence enough.  You don’t need a DWI, you don’t need to go to jail, you don’t need to loose your kids.  It’s enough that the highlights of your day is sitting alone drinking.” 

Stephanie is a mother from California, a comedian who joked about drinking at play dates with children and other mothers.  Even her husband was in denial of her drinking and stated she didn’t fit the mold of what he thought an alcoholic was.  Stephanie lied to herself for so long until one day she went on her computer and admitted to her fans she had a drinking problem.  She was so scared she would be rejected by her fans, and the opposite happened with letters of support and thanking her for her honesty.

Lynn is a fifty year old mother and wife with over 20 years of alcoholism.  She lives in Mississippi with her adolescent children and husband. Her children have pleaded with her to get some help and are at their last straw.  Cameras followed Lynn into her first five days of detox and 30 days of alcohol rehabilitation.  The cameras capture the intensity of Lynn’s intoxication before she is admitted to a Florida program.

“Mother’s Little Helper” interview reveals the women’s shameful experiences with their alcohol episodes, daily rituals, and how they endangered their children’s lives.  One woman states while driving the streets she would be dumping her empty bottles along the side of the road.  Another describes hiding bottles of alcohol in closets, cupboards, shoes, and trash cans.  Their ritual for buying the alcohol would be to make trips to various liquor stores so as not to be found out.  They did not want others to know or see them drinking so they would drive around with the children drinking alcohol in their coffee mugs.

The last lyric in the song “Mothers Little Helper” is -

                               No more running for the shelter of a mother’s little helper

                               They just helped you on your way through your busy dying day    

As these four women struggled in their daily lifestyle of alcoholism they came to the decision to find their way to sobriety.  They too were on their way through their busy dying day.   It was not until after 6 tries in recovery that Mary reached her twenty years of sobriety.  Tina went back to drinking after completing the thirty day rehabilitation program and now looking for an outpatient program.  Lynn is doing well and just received her four month chip of sobriety.  Stephanie is doing well in her recovery.

Elizabeth Vargas reported after the one hour show “Mother’s Little Helper”, there was an overwhelming response to the show.  Many viewers contacted the rehabilitation programs in Florida for help and information for themselves or a loved one.  If you or someone you know has a problem with alcohol, click on one of the drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers on this page.  You don’t have to repeat the cycle of alcoholism.

Since 1935, when AA was founded, there has been numerous groups formed in helping individuals with addictions, alcoholism, and various issues. The 12 steps are the stepping stones for individuals seeking recovery.  Groups following the 12 step program give guidance in addressing and completing the  12 step process through meetings, step studies, and sponsors.

 In 1935 Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, known as “Bill W” and “Dr. Bob”, founded Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in Akron, Ohio.   A group of men came together and formed the group of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and started the anonymous tradition by using first names only.  As the group grew, co-founder Bill Wilson came to the conclusion they needed something more.  He was in the mist of writing the Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) - telling the stories of one hundred men on how alcohol affected their lives and how they addressed their alcoholism.

Bill Wilson along with AA members and the Oxford Group established the 12 steps and the 12 traditions.  Bill Wilson and AA acknowledges the Oxford Group, a Christian Organization, as playing a part in their influencing the founders of AA in developing the 12 steps and 12 tradition.  Bill Wilson attended the Oxford Group in New York in 1932 and 1933 but fell away due to their ideologies and thoughts of AA and the 12 steps. 

Since the founding of AA in 1935 the 12 steps have been adopted in numerous organizations for addictions and support groups.  It was not until 1953 AA gave permission for Narcotics Anonymous to use its 12 steps and 12 traditions.  Groups were increasingly developing for individuals seeking help for recovery in a wide range of addictions.  As groups developed and grew family members, friends, and children recognized how their loved ones addictions had affected them and were  seeking help.  The groups have been found to help individuals support each other through their own processes of recovery.

The Twelve Steps

Below are the 12 steps in their entirety, as originally published by AA.

• Step 1  – We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-That our lives had become unmanageable.
• Step 2  – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
• Step 3  – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
• Step 4  – Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
• Step 5  – Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
• Step 6  – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
• Step 7  – Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
• Step 8  – Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
• Step 9  – Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
• Step 10 – Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
• Step 11 – Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
• Step 12 – Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

References

Alcoholics Anonymous (February 2002) Twelve Steps and Twelve Tradition. Hazelden    Wikipedia (May 2010) Wikimedia Foundation Inc.

Before we talk about natural remedies, let’s take a closer look at prescription drugs. Although these medications do work for a certain segment of the population and some people seem to do well on them, others just can’t tolerate the side effects. Worse yet, they add a sense of anxiety to the mix because no one really knows the long term effects of these drugs on the brain. For these reasons and others, many people are looking for a treating depression alternative to drugs.

An excellent alternative is natural remedies. These remedies are made from medicinal herbs that have been used for centuries to relieve depression. In addition to being time-tested, these herbs have also proven effective in clinical trials. Further study of the restorative qualities of these herbs has shown that certain herbs work better together.

For instance, you may have heard of St. John’s Wort. While this herb works to elevate mood and produce feel-good neurotransmitters in the brain, it is much more effective when combined with another herb called. Passion Flower. Taking these herbs together in a proven formula that delivers the same dose every time is an effective treating depression alternative to prescription drugs.

While using alternative medicine can help you turn your life around, it is important to take other measures once the supplement has you feeling more energetic and motivated to make small changes in your life. First, take a close look at your diet. Make sure that you are eating lean protein, lots of fresh vegetables (especially leafy greens), fresh fruit, whole grains and nuts. Since the chemicals in processed foods can adversely affect your moods and leave your body starving for nutrition, slowly substitute healthier foods over time if you have been eating a diet that is mostly made up of junk food.

Finally, find an exercise that you enjoy. Finding pleasure in movement is the only goal besides keeping your body moving for at least 30 minutes at a time. Allow yourself to experience the joy of motion and you will continue to exercise for life. Since exercise releases endorphins in the brain, it will work together with a natural remedy and a healthy diet as an effective treating depression alternative to prescription drugs or other methods.

Laura Ramirez helps others achieve health and wellness through her research. Learn more about her findings by going to www.cure-depression-naturally.com.
By Laura Ramirez
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Laura_Ramirez

He was and this time I stopped at the bench to tie my shoe, giving us a chance to say hello. We did and introduced ourselves, is name was Cal and we hit it off, we like the same movies, the same music, and the same kind of food. So he asked me out that Friday night. For months we enjoyed each other’s company. Maybe that is why I never saw the control issue start. His control over me happened so gradually at first, it was just the tiniest things.

One night we were going out to dinner, he was there to pick me up. I was dressed in my midnight blue dress with my gold loop earrings finishing off, my assemble. I opened the door to his waiting arms. After a wonderful long hug and kiss he followed me on into the house we still had a few minutes before or dinner reservation.

“Sweetheart you look so beautiful, tonight.” He said with a smile, “there’s only one thing that looks off. How fond are you of those earrings, because I think these would go with that dress so much better.” He had reached in his pocket and pulled out a small jewelry box, inside were crystal blue diamond stud earrings.

He was right, and oh, how sweet it was for him to buy me a gift. That was when it all begun, in the following months came more jewelry that he liked, or would look better with some outfit or another. After the jewelry came friends, clothes, nail polish, shoes, all with the explanation of it looking better or I bought this for you, my pants went tighter, my dresses slinkier. My shirts were lower cut.

I was eye candy exhibited for others, to state I have what you all want, but will never have. At parties I had to be at his side at all times, other then going to the ladies room. I had to be back within a certain amount of time. If I took too long we would leave the party, and I would be questioned. What was I doing? Who I was with? After six months after the first gift the accusations started.

If I was late coming home from work, I was with someone, if I didn’t answer the phone when he called I was talking to another man, the list went on and on. I could no longer wear my old clothes, after all he wanted me to be seen in that clothes he bought me, that was why he bought them was for me to wear, then he would turn around and accuse me of wearing the clothes for some other guy, I was parading myself around for other men.

He kept me hurt and confused, and worried about everything I said and did. If I smiled at some man that entered a restaurant he took me took, I wanted to sleep with him. Within the year my friends were gone, my family was put at a distance, my world revolved around him and only him. I didn’t smile anymore, I didn’t joke around with anyone, I was totally different with everyone.

Now it was time for the physical abuse as well, but in a way I’m glad it started. The first time he hit me across the face I woke up. I realized what was truly happening to me and what he truly was all about.

I don’t know how I lost my self-esteem, I was old enough I should have seen the signs. I’d been in bad relationships before and had always seen the signs right off, and ended them. Why was this one so different? I still ask myself those same questions.

This is the only answer I came up with; I thought he was exactly what I had wanted in a man. I was in love and I was blind to everything, I had to get hit literally for me to wake up.

Thank God most men don’t have the finesse and the patience to go so slow. I now look at every guy I date, through wiser eyes. If I even see one sign of them wanting control of me they are history. I pay attention to what the man says and how he says it. I’ve ran into to a lot more men like Cal, but the minute they want to tell me how fast I can drive, I leave them in the dust. I no longer take out my earrings to replace them with their gift, I thank them for the gift and let them know I will wear them the next time we go out, then put it to the side and keep wearing what I have already chose to wear that night. Then I watch and see what his reaction to me not wearing it right away is.

Small signs and a man’s attitude can tell you a lot. Learn to look for the signs and his temper if you pull the unexpected.

By Janeal Mulaney

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Janeal_Mulaney



I am a mother of four adult children who live in Northern and Southern California.  I married in 2001 and moved to New Zealand for ten years, and recently moved back to the United States with my husband to make our home in Prescott Valley, Arizona.

I graduated from John F. Kennedy University-California with a BA in Psychology and a degree from Heritage University-Washington in Social Science.  Following my undergraduate studies I became a certified Master Hypnotherapist from Alchemy Institute of Hypnotherapy-California.

Since that time I have worked as a therapist in various settings ranging from Ujima Family Services in California to Christchurch Men’s Prison in New Zealand.  After gathering experiences as a Alcohol/Drug Counselor, Family Counselor, Hypnotherapist, and Alcohol/Drug Program Director I have decided to continue my passion by helping others through this website.

My website “Women’s Strength Within” will address addictions, parenting, relationships, support, and other various women’s issues.  The website is at it’s earlier stages of development, but eventually will expand to helping family members, friends, and the community.